


All That I Hope For

by kangelique



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 11:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16218545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangelique/pseuds/kangelique
Summary: Set in the early 1600's ,New England, in which Liam is King and Killian is the prince who fell in love with Emma, the forbidden protestant girl."How long will you wait, brother?""For as long as it takes, Your Majesty."





	All That I Hope For

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently begun studying history so in the mist of all that reading I got this idea for a one shot and finally, FINALLY was able to write it out. I honestly did not focus much on the actual details of the events that happened and it doesn't really talk much about the events either (just a brief mention) more of a loosely based type of thing. Hope you like it!

**All That I Hope For:**

 

**England, 1625**

"You called for me, brother?"

Liam turns from where he had been staring out the window, quietly overlooking the extensive land that was part of the palace grounds, beautifully dotted with small lakes among the white of the swans that could be caught sight of peacefully swimming, and the row of wildflowers where many other plants were beginning to wake up in obedience to the rising sun..

Killian swallowed but maintained his eyes firmly fixed on Liam's solemn face when he nodded and walked toward him with his hands clasped behind his back. He became slightly wary when the silence stretched too long, refraining from conducting his little nervous tick when the glimpse of those birds brought on benevolent memories that serves equally painful and bright.

Though he shouldn't really be surprised for the silence, the gap between them was clear even in the way they stood in front of each other.  _Sad, Liam, sad,_ Killian thought with too much suppressed hatred that perhaps he should have let go by now.  _but you brought this onto yourself. There was another way._

Hatred was a powerful thing. He leaned on it most when the nagging voice inside proposed to forgive his blood for the choices that had condemned too many, but no. Killian had never been the forgiving type.

"This arrived with your name on it." Liam explained, one hand reaching to pick up a dirty looking parchment from his desk and then handing it to him with an impassive expression that instantly made Killian suspicious. Only one person had been capable of making the King turn serious like that, it made him afraid and his heart hopeful.

Could it be?.

"I haven't read it yet, if that's what you're wondering," His brother continued, voice sounding almost guilty.  _Almost._ "but it has been with me for a few days. Too be honest, brother, I wasn't sure if I WANTED to give it to you. Whatever's in there could either destroy you or encourage the demon in your head to destroy me."

_I don't want to destroy you,_ Killian should have said, try to bring them closer with those words, but his throat was suddenly dry and there was no desire to mend things at the moment. Not with the name '  _To Killian Jones_ '  had been written across the top in that familiar ugly, scratchy handwriting that to this day he could remember perfectly.

He was only able to croak out, "Is this...is this from the colony? Tell me, Liam, is it from Plymouth?"

"Yes." Liam responded faintly, eyes flitting down.

He stared at the writing, thumb caressing the beaten paper and then looked up with a bravery he knew he was going to need. "Thank you, Your Majesty. If you'll excuse me, I must get back now."

Liam didn't say anything more, and Killian could see the shame so well for the first time before Liam composed himself, straightening his shoulders and going to sit down at his desk, not sending Killian a second glance as he bowed and then walked away from his brother the same way he'd done for many years now.

Tears welled up and he held the letter closer to his chest, unconsciously pressing it tighter to the spot where his heart lay beating in an unsteady rhythm. Avoiding eye contact with any servants and quickly passing guests, he managed to make it outside without any noble forcing polite chatter with the prince. Killian continued on like a sleepwalker with a purpose, not quite there in that moment because all he could think about was the last ' _I love you' ._

Without realizing it, his feet led him to the secret place where they'd meet to exchange kisses and have lengthy conversations whether it was daytime or nighttime. It seemed like so long ago now, it WAS so long ago, and yet time hadn't been able to make him move on. Liam, his King, had not been able to make him move on despite bringing woman after woman in the hopes that his heart could let go of what he'd called an 'infatuation'.

The King soon realized it had been more. It had been true. By then it was too late.

Shakily sitting down on the stone, he read over his name once more before decidedly ripping the paper open with a desperation and then pulling out the fragile looking letter that seemed as if it could crumble to pieces at the merest touch. Killian got a good grip on it, needing something to hold onto, unbelieving that it was  _her_ handwriting in front of him, fearful that it would all disappear between his fingers the same way she always disappeared in the morning when he woke up and 'It was just a dream' was all he had.

Inhaling sharply, he began reading.

_Dear Killian,_

_How are you?. How is our darling daugther Hope?. I want you to know that I am okay, and that I have missed you and our child every day that has passed. Although the weather proved to be cruel to us the first year we arrived in this unknown land, we learned to survive. I am safe and sound despite the terrible loss of Belle and Mary Margaret after the bitter winter caught us vulnerable and unprepared. David, Robin,and Elsa remain. Anna perished. Surprisingly, I have come to appreciate this wilderness that seemed too hideous and dreary at first. It has given light to me in darkness and somehow made my faith stronger._

_The first winter is still one of my recurring nightmares when I close my eyes. At least two or three died a day, falling lifeless next to me and reminding me how only mere seconds I could be from joining them too. My teeth chattered violently and although the climate has gotten warmer, some days I can still see my bony fingers, in danger of breaking in half because of the fragility brought upon my body. As one of the scarce remaining, I helped tend to the sick by fetching wood to feed the fires and washing the detestable clothes along with making the beds in a cheerful manner. It was an effort to be lively in our situation, but it was better than running the risk of waking up to more innocents frozen or beaten down by scurvy._

_I still hope to see you again and have your arms be the ones to bring me heat instead of the kindling fire in front of me. I wish to see my little girl again and hear her beautiful laughter that I don't doubt greatly reflects your own. I pray that the peace continues throughout the many years to come. I hope you can forgive me for choosing this direction, but you must know she was safer with you. I could not condemn her the same way I was. Above all, I simply miss you and hope to be reunited with you some day when the world is more open. I do hope this abundance of turkeys and fish will last, for I would not like to see us go through that hardship again. It is unlikely since our houses are fitted for the coming winter, and we are directed in how to plant and grow corn. Don't forget to make our daughter smile since I am not there to do it myself._

_I do not say this to torture you, but my heart continues to be yours in every single way. Every single way, my Killian._

_With all my love,_

_Emma._

He felt the warmth of the tears as they fell silently down his cheeks. His pain was like that, Killian had come to notice. On the days when their love was just a spark, she had noticed too, much to his irritation. But she'd been the one to help him find his voice and now that voice was gone with her departure, he cried as he cried the way he'd done before she'd crossed his path. Quiet and huddled. Now he wanted his voice back. He wanted HER back.  _My Emma,_ He reread the last sentence again.  _Oh my love, my heart is still waiting for you. In every single way, Emma, in every single way, it waits._

In the mist of rereading the last sentence, something didn't make sense.

"Wait," He stood up, clutching the paper tighter in his hand and frantically skimming through the letter, eyes widening.

The word was there. And there. Multiple times. 

_Our darling daughter Hope,_ It felt like he'd just been slapped.

Killian was breathing hard now and he ran a wobbly hand through his hair,  _daughter, daughter, daughter._

"No,"  He swallowed thickly and pressed his forehead against the wall, clenching his eyes shut to the point of an ache, blood pounding because this wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. "no,no,no,NO!"

Killian pushed away from the wall with a violent force, face transformed in rage and fire coming out of his nose instead of air in his anger before he fell to his knees, a fresh wave of tears falling as he gripped at his hair for all that had been taken away and saw the vast world in his blurry gaze. "I have a daugther," he whispered weakly. "I have a daugther."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's more to this story...


End file.
